"It wasn't that I thought pulling the trigger would take me to a better place. I didn't believe in better places or those horseshit Mitch Albom books where you have reunions in heaven with the blissful dead. Where you are magically forgiven for your sins, your guilt stripped away so you don't have to feel shitty for the harm you've done. A few well-meaning friends had given those books to Annie and me, saying they would bring us comfort. Well, no. My faith in God, heaven, and rainbow-coated unicorns named Sparkles had vanished a long time before my son's death. You don't really understand the insidious nature of faith until you lose it. And once I saw faith for what it was, I never wanted it back."
Where It Hurts, by Reed Farrel Coleman (copyright 2016; quote is from pages 143-144 of the G. P. Putnam's Sons trade paperback edition, January, 2017).